Gizmology: The Elusive Pursuit

[Reposted from September 2012. -GE]

I love my toys. I don't know anyone who doesn't. Truth be told, they are not all toys, strictly. We are at an exciting time, technologically speaking. It used to be that tech was simply personal--the personal computer. Heck, that thing didn't even have a log on. Only serious iron had that, according to my way-back machine.

Today, the personal has become pervasive--nay, invasive. I can't imagine any job, task, or pursuit that has not been made better through some form of technological enhancement. (Before you cackle on that last point, think it through. Internet porn? Love connections?  Finding Mr./Ms. Right? Personal "gadget" design? Availability of resources on and openness to discuss the myriad intricacies of relationships? All available with a touch-touch-swipe or two.)

I recently lost my Apple product launch line virginity. It was a rather mundane thing, really. You wait with a hundred thousand others, at a preternatural hour with the other fanatics. You get a card that certifies for you that they have the model you want. You progress down the line, slowly yet reasonably. I exchanged a few tech tall tales with the folks like me who waited all the way until 6:30 a.m. to show up. The guys up front, there since 6 p.m. the day before? We ranked them somewhere between irrational loons and lucky stiffs. I even encountered a few of my own customers in line. The donuts, water, and chairs were a super nice touch, though. It's not like every company would have done the same. These folks have done this before, you could just tell.

But I was excited. It was exciting! The iPhone 5! The FIVE. The iMofo Cinco! It was gonna be awesome. My four was what, two years old. Ancient museum piece. It should be encased in glass. What kind of marketing number is four, for heaven's sake? 

It was simply not possible to be disappointed. A quick swipe of the CC, and it was mine at last! (Upgraded to 64Gb for storage, natch--had to have more storage, for, uh, more stuff--just in case. You know.) I spent the next two hours getting the backup of my recently ancient 4 to restore. A number of syncs later, presto! I was a walking 5 model. 

Or rather, more accurately, I was the holder/pedestal/security mount for the device. Blasting over to my local Starbucks, I couldn't avoid anyone in earshot. Not that I was trying of course. They'd say, "OooOOooo. Is that the new 5??" as I handed them a tissue for their drool. They had to touch it, to feel it. To possess it. I--erm, the phone--was King Shit of the Apocalypse, here to defeat the Dark Lord of the Vapor.

"I heard it was sick light, dude!" 

"Whoa that's a nice screen!" 

"Is it fast? I heard it was fast." 

"Passbook. How does that work?"

It only took a couple of probes for me to get overly protective. "My precious! My precious! We wants it! We needs it! Must have the precious!" Yes, I channeled my inner Gollum. Oh, the psychoses we'll go!

Simple truth is, the newness is cool. And we all want cool, however we define it. It's fresh. It's better stronger faster. Do more, go faster; be smarter, more extreme, more beautiful. It's all in there. In the nextness. America, among other cultures, built itself on growth. Its in our vernacular. Produce more, get your numbers up. Win the ballgame. Extra mile. 110%. Year-over-year growth. Seize the day. We must haves it! Budgets be damned!

Forward is the only direction the clock runs. Maybe someday we'll figure out how to put the silly thing in reverse, alter the time-space continuum etc., but for now let's just agree on this point.

No sooner than you have the latest, you start thinking about what it doesn't do. Or how it could be better, on any measure. You quickly promote yourself from irate consumer to the harsh critic, to lead QA, and all the way to executive product management. 

"I mean, how could the VP have signed off on this? Just imagine how that meeting went." 

"Apple Maps?? WTF, dude?"

"Dude, check out my Samsung Galaxy III. Screen is B-I-G! Google Maps!"

"Ooo. Maybe I should get that. <momentary pause> I heard WinMo8 is SICK! I should wait for that. When's that? Like, next week right?"

It's what we've become. It's also what we expect. Technology delivers so much for us--instantaneously technomagically. Tools, insight, sharing, productivity, communication, entertainment, medical science, security, and so much much more. It's fun. It's essential. It's everything in between. Am I glossing over its benefits? Sure am. There are certainly many cautionary tales and serious issues scattered throughout our relentless fascination with our tech. They are worthy of much more than a blog entry. The dark side--only pain and suffering there is.

Until the next one comes out. I heard it's TOTALLY SICK!

(sigh) It never ends. And we wouldn't have it any other way.